i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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