Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
