just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
