I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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