So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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