Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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