do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
