Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
