If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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