you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
