But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
