just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
