god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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