just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sext me about skeletons
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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