you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
