paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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