I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
