I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
