I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
