I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
FUCK WHALES
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
