OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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