I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
