piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
