Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
