I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
