i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
