it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These tits shall not be calmed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
