just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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