and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
