Are we in a gay sports bar?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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