oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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