i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
