He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
