good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
