i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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