I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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