I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
