i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
