We won't sleep together?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
