Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
