Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, he came in my armpit
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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