sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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