That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
