dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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