If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
