one might say we're banned from that church
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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