Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
