Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
