I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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