those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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